The Sonic franchise has tormented its fans. They have had to suffer with years of ridiculous 3D titles that are so far removed from the origins of the series; they may as well be made by George Lucas. However, there were some good times. The original Mega Drive games were the very definition of perfection. Bridging the gap between the good and the bad times was the Sonic Adventure series. Back when the Dreamcast was the new hotness, Sonic Adventure was a competent platformer. It wasn’t a Mario 64 epic but it did prove to be entertaining, if a little quirky.

So, imagine our lack of surprise when SEGA announced that Sonic Adventure would be re-released on the Xbox Live Arcade and the PlayStation Network. They had run out of 2D Sonics to re-release after all these years and finally decided to dip into their Dreamcast catalogue. However, after five minutes with this version of Sonic Adventure, you will wish they hadn’t.

We all knew that the game wouldn’t age well, thanks to its cheesy dialogue and obscure over-world puzzles, but what we didn’t know was how bad a job SEGA would do with the port. The controls haven’t been tuned for the 360 controller at all, so it feels like a wobblier mess than a dubstep-infused night out. The screen space is limited to a disappointing 4:3 resolution and all the annoying level glitches are back. We realised we were playing Sonic Adventure again when we fell through a dodgy clipping area in the first level and got punished for a problem that was down to ancient coding (as opposed to our normal lack of competence).

The lack of improvements don’t stop there. The camera is absolutely shocking in this version, even with the trigger-based camera turning. Collisions and enemy placements are still clumsily handled, as are the bizarre power-ups. The nonsensical over-worlds have also been untouched, as have the ridiculous things that you have to do in them. Quite why Sonic has to use a train to get to places is beyond (our frankly rather limited) comprehension.

Moreover, the menus and music have barely been changed. The only new thing we recognised from the settings menu was a 360 controller on the tile for selecting vibration. It’s saddening to have to be dejected to the same old rubbish looping music when trying to reminisce the old days. SEGA had the time to at least splice in a few different tracks to stop us going mad in our old age. Even the folks that made Earthworm Jim HD managed to insert some delightful (if a tad monotonous) tunes.

See, the problem with this re-release isn’t what’s here; it’s what’s missing and what could’ve been improved. If we had our much-wanted fixes, we could’ve been celebrating a return to the best 3D Sonic (if that’s a compliment). What brings added shame to SEGA with this release is the fact that they are charging more for the DX version, which you have to download separately as DLC. It doesn’t really add much that could save this game from the back of our minds though. If you are dying to play Sonic Adventure, we recommend finding a Dreamcast, an old CRT TV and a bunch of snacks (so you can manage the loading screens).

Verdict: Unfortunately, SEGA decided to opt for the quick buck by cashing in on a Dreamcast classic. They didn’t put in the time and effort needed to effectively update this game for a modern audience. They not only let us down, they let themselves down. We sincerely hope they rethink their strategy for porting old classics, or Crazy Taxi and others are going to bring a world of hurt to unsuspecting gamers.