Its been annouced today (Thank the lord) that the UK’s biggest video games retailer has been referred to the Competition Commission over its controversial acquistion of arch rival Gamestation. The deal as many staff here woudl agree would result in Game having an amazing market share on the specialist sector. We do say one thing though, Uncle Moneybags would be proud of Game trying to create a virtual monopoly on this small island of ours.

Before we get started I’m going to be honest. I played this for the PS2. My 360 is going screwy OK? But graphics aren’t the issue here anyway. If you always wanted to feel like you’ve been dropped into Hogwarts to run random errands with Harry and his whiny chums, here’s your chance because the game looks really good. But, like I said, that’s not the problem here.

Never before have I seen a game so blatantly designed for people who don’t play a lot of games I doubt the casual gamer will have their experience hampered the repetitive tasks, AI issues, and general lack of challenge. But that’s what sets me apart from those primitive beasts.

For a game that has so much work put into environments 2 things generally ruin the experience of exploring the castle. First, there is no actual open time to go about exploring. You are always in the middle of some fetch quest and can’t go anywhere without being bugged about your task by Ron And Hermione who treat you as though you have alzheimer’s and are perpetually lost. Also, for no particular reason, parts of the castle are blocked off randomly during different missions so you can never really explore the whole joint without doing the odd jobs laid out for you.

Second, the game gives you no camera control whatsoever. You can’t even center the fucking thing. You are at the complete mercy of the auto-camera and in a environment full of secrets and pretty things to look at this is infinitely frustrating. I have no idea why the developers would work so hard on Hogwarts and then handcuff the player to keep them from seeing their creation.

The game really doesn’t have any problems, it looks good and controls well. It tells the story properly. There is a lot to do. It’s just that none of the gameplay is at all compelling or challenging. Even as a virtual Hogwarts it’s not that good.

5/10

People have said it for years: World War II, as terrible and epic though it was, is a played out genre in gaming. It is common knowledge that every gamer has shot at least ninety thousand Nazis (many then defiled with the classic “hump” maneuver”), thus making this statement ring true in every sense. Despite the obvious validity of this, game developers have never seemed to understand it. Finally (and I mean finally), developer Infinity Ward has come into the truth, via their newest game in the venerable Call of Duty franchise: Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare.

Now, the first thing you’re probably thinking is “wasn’t Modern Warfare a Battlefield game?”. Unfortunately for you, your thoughts are off the mark, and you are stupid. However, the game does feature a strikingly similar color palette to the online gaming kingpin, but that’s just coincidence. In Call of Duty 4, you play as a variety of soldiers, from the US Force Recon to the British SAS, and numerous “cameo” appearances, such as the gunner on an Army gunship or part of a sniper duo trapped behind enemy lines. The baddie of choice in this new branch of the popular fishing war games (think about it for a second) is no longer Ze Germans, as mentioned, but instead one Zakhaev, a Russian nationalist hoping to return to his motherland to the way things were back when Stalin was around; that is to say, back to Soviet ways. Knowing that the US would be less than keen on this idea, Zakhaev sets up a military coup in the Middle East, with his buddy Al-Assad being behind it in order to draw attention away from Russia. These two men, along with their men below them make up what is known as The Four Horsemen. Now, if a Biblical allusion doesn’t get you all fired up to go kill stuff, then it is hard to say what will.

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Nintendo fans need to wake up, you are a foot note on their stock quotes. After years of buying their consoles for their great first parties and no third parties you thought you finally got your revenge when Ninty got popular again. You thought you would have your first parties and your third parties. Guess what, now you have neither. Nintendo is just going to pump out a few sequels to make you quit your bitching, third parties are going to port and port and port games to the system and what new original “games” do you guys get to play? You get cooking sims and workout aids. Congrats, you are now the misguided fanbase of a company that only tries to appeal to middle aged women.

- “yakityyakblah”, 1up.com forum user (July 2007)

 

Ouch.

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PC:
Attack on Pearl Harbor (08/06)

Virtual Villagers: The Lost Children (08/07)

DS:
Pet Alien (08/06)
High School Musical: Makin’ the Cut (08/07)
Mega Man Star Force: Dragon (08/07)
Mega Man Star Force: Leo (08/07)
Mega Man Star Force: Pegasus (08/07)

PSP:
Crazy Taxi: Fare Wars (08/07)

Tomb Raider: Anniversary (08/08)

WII:
Boogie (08/07)

Virtual Console
Wave Racer 64 (N64) - 1000 points
Adventures of Lolo (NES) - 500 points
Galaga ‘90 (TurboGrafx16) - 600 points

In case you hadn’t heard, our “friends” over at GayGamer.net were “slammed” with a denial of service attack not too “long” ago. But the story isn’t what interests me. What caught my attention was how gamers everywhere rushed to comment on how tolerant they are in an attempt to distance themselves from the inbred hicks they seem to think are ruining messageboards and running the country.

The predictable back-patting and responses ensued. From cries that “homosexuality is a sin” to pointless arguments over terminology to ideas that gays shouldn’t be allowed to have his separate community and it’s making the other sexual orientations feel left out.

This display of people scrambling to make themselves look good and wave around their own ideas in the face of a perceived evil is pretty funny when you think about it.

Just think about it

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Got it now? Ok.

According to IESB.Net, the director of the Gears of War movie has already been selected. Len Wiseman of Underworld and recently Live Free or Die Hard fame is reported to be at the wheel. IESB cites “a reliable studio insider” with the new tad bit of information. As a fan of Die Hard 4, I’m liking the pick. Only question that remains until 2009 is are we going to get an action fest, or a “Mad World” tear jerker?

The Subspace Emissary is the name for Super Smash Bros Brawl’s new take on the Adventure Mode from Melee. Unlike before, the single-player mode now has an overall plot and will focus more on character development. It looks like this time around the characters shall interact with each other and we’ll probably get some cutscenes. It’s just like a fan fiction, minus the side affects of depression and loss of dignity. Check out the rest of the update at Smash Bros Dojo.

Activision took the opportunity today to reveal some new songs for their somewhat anticipated Guitar Hero III Legends of who cares (Hey, screw you. I’m hyped -Zain). While most of the songs announced don’t matter to me I will tell you they involve a whiny emo vegan, some sort of ancient royalty, a band no one has cared about for 15 years, and cowbell. What does matter here is these 3 songs:

• Reptillia - The Strokes
• Paranoid - Black Sabbath
• Mississippi Queen - Mountain

Sound familiar? They should as they have already been announced for Rock Band, the primary competition which is already way ahead in terms of innovation and public opinion. Not innovating is one thing, but copying songs from the obviously superior competition is just shooting yourself in the foot. These might just be fluff in the promised 70 gong tracklist, bit with all the crap being cranked out by modern bands, I’m sure you can find some filler that doesn’t make you look like unoriginal tools.

Oh wait, these are the guys who made all the Tony Hawk games, maybe not.

Well that sucks. Take-Two has delayed Grand Theft Auto 4 until it’s second fiscal year in 2008 which ends in April. Official press mumbo jumbo:

“Other than a matter of timing, the movement of ‘Grand Theft Auto IV’ does not compromise Take-Two in any way,” Take-Two Chief Executive Ben Feders said. “We are in sound financial condition and have a great product lineup.”

On the bright side your wallet can be happy. This and the rumored disappointments of Lair and Blue Dragon means less spending these holidays. I still had a hankering to beat some old ladies with baseball bats before New Years though…